Not being able to express your emotions, your miserable thoughts -- is not good, somehow. All you can do is just showing it through your face & people will ask, "Are you mad? Is that your daily face or what?"
You have a lot of things to think. A load to carry. A self to be improved. Yet people see you as someone who is [should] be perfect. In anything.
You want to be happy. Living. Breathing without feeling any pain in your chest. But, you cant. Being happy is not your mission, is not something you need to achieve to stay alive.